Keep It in Your Pants
by WinchesterLover
Summary: Darry teaches Ponyboy that somethings should stay in your pants. Parody, one-shot.


**A/N:** Okay, so here is my lastest parody. It is completely random, and i have honestly no idea why i wrote this....i just did. Anywho, this parody is just for fun, so don't take it seriously.

**Disclaimer:** i do not own the outsiders.

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**Keep It in Your Pants**

It was a regular Sunday morning. Johnny was making his way up the Curtis' front lawn to meet up with Ponyboy so they could go hang out.

"Hey guys," Johnny said, coming inside. Soda was sitting on the couch watching TV. He looked up at Johnny when he came in.

"Hey Johnnycade," Soda smiled at him. "what's up?"

Johnny shrugged and sat down beside him. "Nothing much, just gonna hang around today."

Soda was about to respond to him, when Darry's voice sounded from the Pony and Soda's bedroom. "Ponyboy, put that back in your pants."

"But Darry," Pony said. "It doesn't fit in my pants, it's too big."

Soda, clearing overhearing his brothers, caught up and made his way into the bedroom and out of Johnny view. "Come on Pony, it ain't that big," he said. "Mine's almost twice the size and I have not problem fitting it into my pants."

"That's because my pants are smaller than yours," Pony rebutted. "And besides, your used to it, this is my first time."

Johnny's mouth dropped. _Are they seriously talking about what I think they're talking about? No, they can't be._

"Look," Darry said, breaking Johnny's thoughts. "You can't walk around the town, showing off your equipment, you can get in trouble for that. And you defiantly can't go waving it around in front of Johnny, it will make him uncomfortable."

Johnny's mouth dropped even further this time. _Man, why the hell are they talking about me. What's going on in there? _

"So I can't show it to anyone?" Pony asked.

"No," Darry said.

Even though Johnny couldn't see what was going on, he could imagine Pony's face turning into a frown at Darry's 'no'.

"I know you're excited," Soda said. "Hell, when I got my first one, I was telling all my buddies and showing all the girls."

"You showed girls?" Pony asked, disbelieving.

"You bet."

"And they were alright with that?"

"Are you joking? They were practically begging me to show them."

Johnny fidgeted in his seat. _Damn it, why are they talking about this sort of stuff while I'm here? I don't want to listen to this._

"Soda," Darry cut in. "Don't give him any ideas."

"I wasn't," Soda defended.

"Ponyboy, I don't want you showing any girls that," Darry told him, ignoring Soda.

"Why not?" Pony asked.

"Because girls don't like stuff like that."

"They did with me," Soda said.

"Yeah, but that was because you were only showing it to them and letting them touch it," Darry explained. "The second you start using it on some guy, all the girls are going to hate you and think you're a dirty hood."

Johnny held back the need to puke. _I can't believe they are actually talking about this._

"So what am I supposed to do with it?" Pony asked, becoming irritated.

"Just keep it in your pants."

Pony sighed. "But what if some guys want to see it?"

"They probably won't," Darry told him. "Most guys that are older than have you already got one, so they won't want to see yours and the guys younger than you are too young to understand why you do have one."

"Ok, but what happens if I run into some guys and they want to go at it?"

There was a pause; Darry was thinking.

"Then you whip it out and hope they don't have more experience then you," he said finally.

"Ok fine, but what-"

"Ponyboy," Darry cut him off before he could finish his sentence. "Stop asking all these question, alright. I just want you to keep that in your pants and don't let anyone see it."

"But like I said before," Ponyboy explained. "It's too big for my pants; anyone I walk past will be able to see the outline of it."

"Then just pull your shirt down," Soda offered, then he came back into the living room and sat down beside Johnny. "Pony will be out in a minute."

Johnny didn't say anything; he just stared blankly at Soda.

"You ok?" Soda asked, noticing Johnny's look.

"Um….yeah," Johnny attempted speech. "I'm….um….fine."

At that moment, Darry came into the living room, followed by Ponyboy who had his shirt pulled down to cover the front of his pants.

_Holy crap! _Johnny though. _They really were talking about…that!_

"Hey Johnny," Ponyboy said to him. "You want to get going?"

"Uh, yeah….sure," he said, jumping to his feet and making his way out the door.

"See you guys later," Pony called back to his brothers, and then caught up to Johnny who was already at the sidewalk.

When they were out of the view of the house, Pony turned to Johnny.

"What's up?" Johnny asked.

"I have something to show you," Pony said, a big smile on his face. "Darry said you'd be uncomfortable with it, but I'll show you anyways."

_Oh crap!! _Johnny screamed in his head. _Don't you dare show me, I don't want to see it._

Pony started to pull up his shirt, and Johnny quickly turned his head away. "Um, Pony," Johnny said. "I just remembered, I have to go do something. I'll see you later." Then he ran off, not bothering to look back at Ponyboy.

Ponyboy just stood there and sighed. "Darry was right, he didn't want to see it."

Then he put his first ever switch blade back in his pocket, even though it didn't fit.

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**A/N**: So how was that? Good, bad, totally pointless? Feel free to leave a review, and thank you for reading this really random piece of writing.


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